“You better start typing” – These words were the answer to one of the most desperate and passionate prayers I’ve ever uttered: “God, how do you want to use me? How can I do Your will? How can I make a touch the people whom I encounter in my life with Your love?” I was crying these words out to God in a crowd of hundreds of young people as the three most incredible days of my life drew to a close. Our prayer as a whole was to find our calling and be anointed by the Spirit to accomplish what God has in store for us. People were being called to be pastors, ministry leaders, youth pastors, you name it. All these things I had in my mind as the essential pieces of the church went through my head as a possible answer my prayer. In this moment of earnest prayer, I was questioning God if these things were for me. He was probably laughing hysterically at some of the things I came up with, saying “Heather… you’re kidding, right?!” Whenever I think of God using someone, I think BIG. I’ve seen God do mighty and powerful things, in fact I’d been watching Him do them all weekend. But, I’ve realized that God can use my small acts of obedience to do BIG things. The apparent importance, or unimportance, of an action does not determine its eternal significance. So even though I’m not called (at least not yet) to lead a ministry team in Zimbabwe or establish an orphanage in Ecuador, my current calling is just as substantial in God’s eyes. Right now, I’m called to sit on my couch, snuggled up under my Doctor Who blanket, with the *tap tap tap* of my keyboard filling the air. The funny thing is, this is exactly what I looked like a few years ago when I was so far from God I could hardly see Him. But the position of my heart is soooooo different now. Instead of using this laptop as a brick wall hiding myself from everyone around me (including God), I’ll do my best to use it as a special little stage to speak words that I feel God wants said. I, in no way shape or form, have it all together, and I’m not exactly the most knowledgeable or wise person. I’m only nineteen. My life experience ranges from little to none. But apparently God has something in mind for me to write about. So as long as I am capable, I’ll write it.
Now for some honesty time… Everything you have read up to this point was written on May 3. It is now July 15. Two months. Two months ago I was called to start writing. So I wrote, declared it wasn’t good enough, and didn’t touch it again until tonight. I’ve still felt an intense pull towards writing over the past two months. God has tried to get my attention on a very regular basis. But my answer, as it is with just about everything in life, was “Not yet…” However, my stubbornness, laziness, and intense procrastination didn’t make God change His mind; I just made Him get creative with this one. He’s been using just about everyone in my life to tell me to write, whether they know it or not. And after two months, I’m finally writing.
I am a world class procrastinator. Genuinely, if procrastination was a sport, I’d be an Olympian. My excuses can range anywhere from “I’m not good enough yet” to “I’d rather be watching Netflix for dangerously unhealthy periods of time whilst shoveling pasta into my face”. But I suppose I’m writing this to break the bondage of those excuses. So please hold me accountable! If you haven’t read anything of mine in a while, send me aggressive hate mail, throw a sharpened pencil at my face, anything to let me know that I need to keep doing this! I can’t go another two months without writing. I cannot, I shall not, I will not. Nope nope nope, not I.
Now, I really must apologize. This is by far not the best thing I’ve written. Nothing is particularly profound or interesting. I’m exhausted and struggling to keep my eyes open. I feel like I’m really not saying much of anything because my brain is slowing turning into jello (and probably not even the good kind, just the weird kind with chunks of broccoli chillin in it). Being the perfectionist (or “snob”, whatever floats your goat) that I am, my sentence structure, or lack thereof, will probably make me cringe in the near future and I don’t even want to think about the grammar mistakes I’m making. But I think that’s the point God’s been trying to get across to me. I wasn’t called write perfectly. I was called to “start typing”. I can think of a handful of people who I believe would be so more reliable, talented, and wise that I am, and therefore much better suited for this job. But for some reason, God chose this little nerdy nugget named Heather. And I realize this is probably the most unprofessional and uninteresting way to start a blog. This goes against every fiber of my being. I promise everything I post from here on out will have content that wasn’t spewed out of my sleepy brain. I’d like to think that they will be well-written, or at least half-way decent…ish. But I need to do this. It’s a late start, and a very rough one at that. But it’s a start. And that’s what God asks us to do. Just start.
Okydoky, I’m going to go sleep for an eternity and a half. I’m so terribly sorry that you just witnessed my brain at midnight. But I thank you for reading this far! Hopefully, there will be much more to come.
Stay strange ❤